You Set My Soul On Fire
by 1summersday
Summary: Even after they've moved on from each other Jackson and April cannot deny what they mean to each other


Jackson is in the attendings lounge when he gets a page from Karev to come down to the ER. He quickly finishes up his apple, washes his hands and heads towards the emergency department. As he walks across the ER to the room Karev said he's in Jackson spots a familiar red heading standing outside of it. Thinking the worst, that something has happened to Harriet Jackson picks up his pace. Coming up behind April and not wanting to scare her Jackson gently places a hand on her back "April?" he says as she turns to face him "What's going on? Karev just paged me" he says trying to keep his voice calm.

"Jackson thank God!" April exclaims. "Don't worry it's not Harriet. It's Ruby. She was at daycare and somehow got on the monkey bars and fell off cutting her head pretty badly. Matthew is on shift at Seattle Pres so they called 's scared though and she wants her dad and I haven't even had time to call him" April finishes frantically as she nervously paces looking around.

"Hey..." Jackson says grabbing her shoulders gently to bring her back to him "It's going to be fine April. Karev is in there now and I'll go stitch up her cut so you know she's in good hands. You go call Mathew. I'll stay with her until you come back. OK?"

"Ok…" April says calming down "Thanks Jackson."

They both head into the room where Alex is finishing up his initial exam, Ruby on the bed with tear stained cheeks but smiling now as Alex being Alex has made her a lot more comfortable.  
"Hey Ruby, how are we doing in here?" Jackson asks as he makes his way beside her

"My head hurts... do you know where my daddy is?" she asks

As Jackson starts to examine the cut and gather supplies to stitch it up April goes to the other side of Ruby.

"I'm going to call him right now and he'll be here in no time ok Rubs? Jackson and Alex are going to fix you up and I'll be back real quick." she explains as she places a kiss to the top of Ruby's head and leaves to call Mathew.

Ruby automatically tenses as she watches April leave. Sensing this Jackson tries to quickly distract her. "So Ruby what was your favourite thing you did at daycare today? I know Harriet used to love to play with the dollhouse they have there." Jackson says casually as he readies the freezing.

"The dollhouse is fun. We just got new clothes for the dolls…" Ruby starts to explain

Many hours later Jackson has finished with Ruby and has gotten her settled in the peds ward for the night as both he and Alex were concerned about a concussion so wanted to keep her overnight. Right after finishing with Ruby back to back burn victims came in and he had finished a scheduled surgery as well. Before picking up Harriet from his mom's and heading home for the evening Jackson decides to check in on Ruby.

As Jackson walks up to Ruby's room he notices April and Matthew in an intense whispered conversation in the corner of Ruby's room as she sleeps on the bed nearby. "Hi guys, I just thought I'd check on Ruby before I leave for the night."

April and Matthew both turn to face him and Jackson notices how closed off April looks with her arms folded across herself and her eyes seem to be red like she's been crying. "Oh hi Jackson. Thanks for looking after Ruby today." Matthew says in an exhausted tone moving across the room to collapses in the chair beside his daughter's bed.

"Of course, you would've done the same for Harriet" Jackson says as he checks the bandage on Ruby's head and notices that April and Matthew won't even look at each other, the tension in the room palpable. As he's finishing up April announces she's going to get some air and he quickly follows her out into the hallway. He sees April heading to the elevator and sprints to catch her "April!...April wait up!" he calls catching up to her. She turns to him breaking down in sobs as the elevator door opens. "April what's...come here..." Jackson says as he wraps an arm around her and guides her into the elevator. Once inside Jackson pulls the emergency stop lever and turns to April. "April what is going on?" he asks.

April who was turned facing the back of the elevator turns around to face Jackson, leaning her body against the back wal,l arms still wrapped tightly around herself eyes cast to the floor.

"I...I didn't want to acknowledge this was real...so I just kept it to myself...because if I told you...if I told you it would be real." April pauses looking up at Jackson sorrow in her eyes "Matthew and I are…" she starts taking a shaky breath "Matthew and I are getting a dirvoce." she finishes in barely a whisper.

Jackson takes a step towards her as she continues "Ever since I fell into that water I had this nagging in my soul that I needed to be with you; and I don't mean a quiet that would be nice kind of nagging. I mean a my soul is on fire and all it wanted is you and you alone. I mean a keep me up at night and when I finally drift off dream of you kind of nagging. My whole being-body, mind and soul just wanted me to be with you. But you were with Maggie so I had to put that thought away in a tiny little box and move on. Then you and I started talking about more than just Harriet-about faith, about relationships, about you and Maggie and the more that happened the more that nagging thought escaped the box. Until it got to the point where it clouded my marriage to Matthew and we both couldn't ignore the burning in my soul any more. It set my marriage on fire and now it's going up in smoke and I've lost him for a second time and I still don't have you but I can't ask you to be with me just because that's what I want. I've failed everything. I've failed marriage and you and him multiple times and it's exhausting." she spills out, teary eyed and slinks to the ground tucking her knees up to her chin.

With misty eyes Jackson sits himself beside April pulling her close to his side.

"Come here…" he whispers gently rubbing his hand up and down her arm.

"April you haven't failed anything. You are an incredible woman, a kick ass surgeon and the best mother to our children. You are a fixer April and I think that you're not failing anything but finally choosing to make things better for yourself instead of everyone around you all the time. That's not failing that's growth. I know divorce isn't something you want to go through but in the end if it makes you happier and allows you to continue living a purposeful life instead of one in pain and sorrow surely God understands that." Jackson explains.

After a few moments of silently sitting together he continues "I mean Maggie and I didn't work and that was hard and painful too but I get where you're coming from April." standing up he turns to April and pulls her to her feet. "All I have ever wanted is you. We can both pretend all we want and try to move on but I don't think either of us can really move forward without the other. We are soul mates April. I have ached for you everyday that we haven't been together." he says rubbing his thumb softly over her cheeck "We've both been through a lot... we both have trauma and feelings to work through but let's commit to working on ourselves together. Then hopefully we can work on being together. We have to start at square one this time and not skip to step 10 no matter how much that's where we long to be."

"I think you've done a lot of work already Jackson. You're right, we work on ourselves, together, one step at a time until we're ready to be together. That is something I can do. Honestly Jackson I can whether anything with you in my life... with you by my side, in marriage, as my partner or just as my friend." April says "Thank you for always being there, for honouring the vows we made to each other even outside of our marriage." April finishes collapsing into Jackson's chest as he wraps his arms around her.

"I meant what I said in those vows April. In sickness and in health, in good times and bad, forever and always... I also meant it when I said I'd make sure to provide you with all the fortune cookies until your heart's content when need be and I think this is one of those times." he says with a chuckle. "What do you say, chineese with Harriet at my place?"

April looks up at him wiping her eyes and softly laughs. "I'd love nothing more." she says unstopping the elevator and riding to the lobby hand in hand with Jackson. A soft smile set on both their faces as they both finally agree that no matter if they are friends, co-parents or partners- they are soulmates forever and always.


End file.
